I Think My Dog's An Atheist

I think my dog’s an Atheist

My dog is slothful, my dog is gluttonous

He doesn’t honor thy neighbor’s lawn

I’ve never seen my dog pray

He shows no interest in church

The other day there was a knock at the door

A couple of missionaries were standing outside

I was polite, I showed interest

But my dog just sat there and scratched his balls!

I think my dogs an Atheist!

My dog is a heathen,

Godless and doomed to hell

I was heart broken, speechless, completely distraught

I sat in my kitchen, alone.

No words, just tears

And then through the door my cat strolls in

A dead bird hanging from his mouth

I can’t believe what I’m seeing; my cat’s taken a life

He’s broken the 1st rule in the book!

He doesn’t appear apologetic, he doesn’t care at all

He just plays with the carcass, no remorse and no grief

My cat has no morals

No righteous beliefs

I think my cat’s an Atheist!

There are two animals in the family

With no moral compass

So I go to my Mother and say we need an answer

Are there camps for pets like where you go if you’re gay?

Where we can teach them to respect the lords loving way?

But my Mother just shrugs and says, “Why even bother?”

I spun around quickly, almost fell on the floor

What do you mean, “why bother!?”

Our dog is an atheist, so is our cat!

“Well Matt, maybe they’re right, have you considered that? “

I don’t know what to think, my Mother’s indifferent

She doesn’t condemn our pets

In fact she almost sympathizes

I think my Mum’s an Atheist!

A family of Cretans, I would never have guessed

I run from my house I need a place to stay

Somewhere without all this moral decay

My best friend has a spare room in his flat, where I can stay overnight

I accept the kind offer and over a cup of tea

He asks what made me so determined to flee

I tell him that my family is Godless, I’ll never go back

All of a sudden my friend goes on the attack,

“Religion is foolish!”

“Religion is poison!”

“How can you believe in this bollocks, are you crazy?”

My friend is angry

He seems to hate God

I think my friend’s an Atheist!

I run from the flat, I go to my church

And without too much searching I find my priest

Here’s someone who can help me a little at least

My priest sees me crying and asks what is my problem?

My pets, my Mum, my closest friend

They’re all Godless and now I must kill them

It’s right there in the bible, I just have no choice

My priest at these words does not rejoice

“The bible is old”

“It’s very out dated”

“You must understand, its importance is inflated.”

I stare at my priest, in total disbelief

He doesn’t think the bible has relevance?

It’s the one book

The one tome

The very backbone of Christian beliefs

I think my priest’s an Atheist!

This is crazy, this is sickening

I feel I’m alone.

My pets, my Mother, my friend and now even my priest!

Am I the only one faithful? With God fearing beliefs?

Can somebody answer me, why am I an outcast!?

A sign? A revelation? Anything at all????

Is nobody listening? Is nobody there???

I think that I’m an Atheist.